Failure Is Not An Option

Failure is defined as an inability to do an expected or required action.  Inability comes from a lack of training.  In my mind, failure is not an option.  I must be ready and willing to learn all I can for whatever life brings to my table, so I continue to press on, move forward and learn all I can about things I don't know.  No, I'll never know all, but I can learn as much as I can, and I can perform to my best.

I say these things, because I was going down a tunnel, feeling a failure.  I gave up, and thought I'd lost my cause.  My faith was broken, and I was drifting from a great cause I stood for.  My mind was lost.  My heart was crushed.  I'm talking of my spiritual self.  I was withering.

But, by God's grace and mercy, He spoke to me.  He spoke at church camp, and I stayed back, when I should've gone forward.  He spoke during Sunday school.  But, when it came time for church, He shouted!  He called me out, and I knew I was revived!  My heart cried, and I was snapped back to reality.  I knew my faith needed some love and tender care.

I am not a failure, and I will not give up.  I will persevere with training and working on my faith with my tools I've been given.  I was given a Bible-good place to start.  I was given the Power of Prayer-true freedom line.  I was given chance after chance, and I won't waste this chance.  I'm done with chance.  I'm taking a stand for my salvation, and I won't let my soul slip down the drain.  I'm not falling through the cracks.  I'm feeding my spirit, and flesh will learn to obey. 

For too long, I'd thought it was just going to happen naturally.  Now, I know it's going to happen spiritually, and I'm equipping myself. 

It really sucks how easy it is to slip and slide away from where I once was.  I faded my colors, and thought I'd blend in.  It's not that simple, and I don't want to fade away.  I am a beautiful, radiant flower that will stick out.  I may even look weird, but that's normal to me.  I'm God's, and I'm going to make sure I live like it.  I am a woman of worth and God loves me for me.  I don't need to fly under the radar and hide with the others.

Failure is not an option.  I will win.  I must win.  God is my Father, and He doesn't make junk.  I was put here to make a difference, and I will.

Riding the Waves of Life

Do the waves of life well up and come crashing down on you?  Are you tossed and pulled under by the undertow just to be coughed up and bowled under, again and again?  It doesn't have to be that way.  You don't have to go through life in fear, paralyzed by doubt of what's next.  Teach yourself to prepare.  Swim out a little, find the wave before it bowls you over, and stroke to catch it.  Make each moment count, and don't worry about what's coming next, because each wave can turn out to be one awesome ride after another.  After you've ridden that wave, you know there are more behind it, and you know to get past those ones that are insignificant, all you gotta do is dive right under them, and prepare for the next big one.  Life presents challenges, and circumstances that we cannot predict, but we can prepare for anything.  Find the rhythm of the current, and flow with it.
Let all the colors, sounds, tastes, smells and feelings present you with all the wonder the world holds.  Life isn't a ride you cannot control, like a roller coaster you're strapped into without your consent.  No, life is what you make it.  You set your goals, learn the rules, engage in roles and go for it.  Make each moment count as if you have nothing left but that moment.  Don't let your life slip on bye, because you'll not have this moment, right here, again.  Don't hold onto the past, and don't fear the future, just make this time the most it can be.  Live...

World of Confusion

After being a stay-at-home mom for the past seven years, it's been quite a challenge to learn how life works with working, again.  The life I had has been turned sideways, and trying to get everything to work in cooperation has been a challenge, too.  I have only been working for four months, so far, and I have to get this confusion to stop!  I thought it would be easier, but with an on-call job where I work different shifts different days without set days off, life at home has come crashing down on me.  Luckily, it's mostly in my mind I need to organize, but still, if it gets as bad in the physical as it has become in the mental, I'll be in trouble.  Now is the time to stop, breathe, focus and regroup.  I have been cutting back in both areas, and now I just have to learn how to get the new life functioning with less break-downs.  It's not fair for anyone for me to get all worked up over tiny things, when the true problem is within me.  I have to get all the thoughts onto paper, and get those thoughts organized as well as organize my house and learn to make time for all my most important things, especially my kids and husband.  My house needs my attention, but the stress was overwhelming.  I do love my jobs, and I know it's important to create a good working history, and I've got goals for future progress, but today is the day I'm in, and today has to be completed to get to the future events.  I've been so confused, lately, and with mine and my husband's schedules not work quite together has made communications difficult.  There has to be down time and recuperation times. 

Butterfly Brain

My brain is like a butterfly.  It's beautiful and complex.  It gets lifted with the slightest breath, and when the rain of life falls, it must take a break, not fly and wait for the brighter days to come.  Its wings fold and expand with the exercise of daily life.  So delicate and flighty!  But, please don't rub, because the powder will come off, and my mind will find it hard to fly anymore.  So, use caution looking into this mind, and be mindful to take care when befriending.  I hurt easy, and I love long.  So many fingers have touched my wings, and they've been repaired over and over again.  I find it difficult to do, and they're never the same after such torment.  The colors, flavors and sweet aromas that drift through to their own drummer fill my world and surround the beauty of it all.  Only three decades have passed, but so much work has been done.  Someday, I hope it will be as beautiful as a Luna Moth.

Crowded

They're to the left, to the right,
They're right in front of me
They're here, and they're still coming
They surround me so tightly
If I try to move, I'll bump into them
What would they think?
How would they feel?
The tightness of the space I have
Is so uncomfortably small
If I cry, will they attack?
Why do they press in so?
Do they need to be this close?
There's no room for me to move
I cannot understand where I'm to go
What I'm to do
I want to just get out
I want to break free
But even after breaking through the first ring
There's layer upon layer of them surrounding me
It's not normal to be this close
I cannot stand not being able to move,
So I crawl
I crawl as far as I can go
I'm free, and they're still there
They're still jam packed
Against each other like peanut foam
I'm out, and they cannot see me
I've gotta go
I have to run
Because if they catch up to me
I'll be trapped, again

Simple, Right?

Over many years, I've found keeping life simple helps me enjoy it more.

~I only buy what is absolutely needed.  Only with agreement, do I spend extra.
~I cut out swearing, smoking and drinking.  Without these in my life, I don't stress as much.
~I only drive to where I need to get to.  This keeps me on time, and cuts down on gas consumption.
~I try to do something fun with my kids everyday.  They're my future, and I try to give them as much love as I can.  The more time I invest in them, the happier they will be.
~I only wear make-up on special occasions.  Being clean is much more important than being made-up.
~I give smiles, compliments and hugs as much as possible.  I am so full of love; I want everyone to have some.  :)
~I keep my mouth shut, if I feel an argument arises.  Why argue?  Eventually, it will all be over, anyway.  I'd rather be happy than right.
~I listen more than talk.  Listening gives me more understanding than to always be talking and letting foolish things spill out.
~I pray several times a day.  It's not ritualistic, and it's not the same thing.  I pray when urgency weighs on my heart and when I need help.  Prayer avails much!
~I am sympathetic, empathetic and sometimes pathetic.  I understand my way of life is not as others' lives are, and I'm o.k. with that.  I don't have anyone to live up to, except God.  He's my ultimate goal.
~I have no expectations.  This makes it much easier, for me.  I used to have expectations, and they were set too high.  No one, not even myself could live up to them.  I was filled with anxiety, and let down to depression.  Having no expectations makes everyday a joy and surprise.
~I take naps when I'm tired.  When I was younger, I thought I had to stay awake all day, no matter what I was doing or not doing.  Now, when I'm at home, and there's nothing going on, and I'm tired, I nap.  It makes me more refreshed and keeps me from getting frustrated from being too tired.
~I only use my phone or computer when necessary.  I used to use them quite a bit, and I was missing out on life.  My life is more about who's around me, my home and outdoors.  Outdoor activity is so important, to me.  Fresh air is very much needed along with sunshine.
~I won't tell bad dreams or nightmares, anymore.  I used to tell them, but I realized there's nothing good in them, so I stopped telling them.  What good does telling them do?  I do, however listen to my children's, so I can comfort them and let them know everything will be o.k.
~Bare feet.  I can't express how much I wish I could go around with bare feet, all the time.  I only wear socks and shoes when I have to.  My feet just feel so much better naked.
~Beauty starts from the inside.  I do believe that the personality and depths of a person's heart are what truly make them beautiful.  What people put on the outside is what they feel makes them worth more to others.
~Keeping an empty schedule makes life a bit more easier to work around.  I try not to make plans for anything.  The only things that are planned are work, school, extracurricular activities my kids take on and appointments.  Everything else is subject to change.  Many times, it's just a get up and go kinda deal.
~Church is very important in my life.  I believe church is the gathering of two or more people believing in the Gospel and coming together to worship and learn more about God.  I make sure to read as much inspirational books, my Bible and my Sunday school quarterly when I get the chance.  I listen to Christian music in my vehicles and pray throughout my day.  This brings a joy inside me that is inexplicable.

These are the ways I keep my life so simple.

SpRiNkLeD wItH tWiNkLeS

Seeking out the many parts
Along life's journey
We measure in plenty hearts
While we're learning

And many days
We think we know
All the ways
And then we grow

When we look
We see the twinkling
Not of a book
Comes pretty sprinkling

Seasoning in a once bland
And boring place
Coloring on our land
By mercy and grace

So many chances
To stop and pray
In quick glances
Fading to gray

Take it for what it's worth
And live each moment
To the fullest

No one can make you do it
You must choose
And do it well

Don't fade into gray
The way some do

Live to see the sweetness that's been spread before you.  Seek out the beauty in your everyday.  Slow down and enjoy time and everything.  Life's a fleeting breath, and it's here for us to enjoy.  Live like it's your last day.  Love like you will never run out.  Laugh with all your heart, so no one can say you were fakin' it.  Do what you do, and let no one tell you your dreams don't mean a thing.  Dreams inspire life!