No More Rose Colored Glasses

I turned 40 this year. It has been just about a year since my Dad passed away. My life changed drastically. My view became more clear, with richer, deeper tones. It isn't good or bad. It just is.

I know every moment in my life is important, and I don't wish to take anything back. I still make mistakes, but I'm done second guessing myself. I have great instincts, and my self worth is not dependant on anyone or anything.

I have had to let go of many people and things. It hurts, sometimes, but in the end, there is relief.

I am trying to begin my big dream, but I don't know where to start. I have too many ideas, and I have no idea of what to do next. I believe in my dream, and I do believe this will become something. Sure, I'm unsure, but I know there is a path. I just need to find it.

I used to be optimistic and thought of myself as a pacifist. Well, I'm tired of trying to make everyone but me happy. I am not God, and my happiness is important to me.

I know I had a rough start. I had a rough middle, but I don't have to finish rough. It's time to buff out and get polished.

So, no more rose-colored glasses. That means I will not be seeing others' lives as more beautiful than mine. We are all beautiful in our own right. There is much beauty in this brokenness. I see more beauty in me than I ever did because I looked at everyone else as my muse. I was seeking a way to make my life better by comparing myself to others. I thought I could make myself better by trying to be like them. That's the "rat race". Well, I'm not a rat, and I hate racing.

I know how to seek peace. I know how to become calm. In my most traumatic moments, my inner self becomes as calm as a pond at midnight. No ripples. Just calm.

I am 40. This is my year to begin, again. I am good at that. I have had to start over so many times. I am very good at adapting. Here I go, again.