Losing Myself

Forget-me-nots are my favorite flowers. They're small and unassuming. When you look closely at them, they are amazing, little wonders.

Lately, it seems I have been forgetting myself. I feel like I'm losing myself, not really my worth or my identity, but my heart.

It seems I put so many things above my self worth, and I have always struggled with self esteem. I do not think I am worth much more than anyone else I know. I was raised to be submissive and attentive to everyone but myself.

I was never told how important self care, self respect and self love are. Now that I'm getting older, I'm running out of energy and time. It feels like I get blocks of time, and I have to strategically use those blocks of time. Many things are stressing me out, so some blocks of time are spent lounging or sleeping.

I have to alter this. I have to choose my time and activities carefully.

I know a well cannot give water if it's dry, so I need to fill my well each day, before I leave my bed.
How?
Through God's word, prayer and meditation. ♡

A Message to All Preachers

I have tried to go to different churches, and the one I felt most comfortable in was Pentecostal, because I love how spirit filled it is!  Most of the people are welcoming and friendly, but we're all people. We're all going through life. We're all on the same playing field, and none of us are better than another.

I struggle daily, as any other person going through life. That's life.
Going to church is my way of taking my focus off of life and worshipping God. I love to give God honor and glory through my praise and learning more about Him.

My message is this: preachers will focus on problems in life and magnify those areas that we tend to overlook, but sometimes they don't offer a solution. It becomes a prayer, which in my eyes is a stresser, so going to church makes me focus on my every, little problem. That's not what I want to do at church. I want my mind fully focused on God.

Preachers also criticise from the pulpit. It's hard enough going through life with all our daily struggles, but then to get needled for things way beyond our control isn't helpful. It's very hurtful. I hate being criticised and judged. Hate is opposite love. God calls us to love one another, to speak life, to edify and build each other up.

The last thing that really keeps me from wanting to go to church functions is most of them require a fee. At some point, every church function becomes a fund raiser. As a mom of three, it's hard enough affording life within our means, but now you want to charge an entry fee per person? Then, the snacks and drinks cost money too? No thanks! I'd rather stay home and host a movie night with my family.